I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize