Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
