i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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