Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
