I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
We are two peas in an std pod
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
