shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
