Moan for me like Helen Keller
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
We need to rekindle our bromance
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
