i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
