Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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