You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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