i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
