Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Randomize
