filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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