12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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