TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
