Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
