You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
