the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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