Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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