I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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