omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Vodka?
Forever.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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