What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
