i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
