There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
