yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
