hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
