i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
