I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
