U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
