found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I deserve this hangover.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
