I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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