I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
