Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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