margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
everyone is single if you try hard enough
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
