Fine. I'll sleep in my office
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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