Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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