look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
