Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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