I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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