I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
