Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
