So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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