u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
