I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
