You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I need a hoe opinion
go on
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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