forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
