i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Of course I have a pirate flag
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
