Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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