: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
