The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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