youre lurking in front of me
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
