your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
