Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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