I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
