He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I wish I only lived at night.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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