i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
