community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
