I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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