She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
