I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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