No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
