Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize