She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
