i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
