Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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