i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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