I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize