That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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