Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
