I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
