I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
