i permit you to call me
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
