P.S. I can't hear my feet
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
