That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
