In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
