Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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