My first STD was from a foam party
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
