I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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