I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
operation harelip BJ is a go
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
