I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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