ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
