Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
