i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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