I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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