Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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