We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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