they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
