I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
