My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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